Affaire de coeur

yay, went shopping. lol, i love shopping. ok, shh. but we didn’t go haji lane.. was raining, and we mostly shopped at wisma. so my mom decided we weren’t going anywhere after that and all, because she’s gonna go broke that way. ah, and i’m going cut hair tomorrow. :\ more of trim but yes. hope they don’t cut the fringe too short. i’ll look retarded and refuse to go out for a week or so. loL.!

ah, and jus nw i felt super nauseous, i think it must be the damn wanton mee that made me feel so horrible. the 3 of us felt tummyache. and then i felt really horrible afterwards so i made myself sleep so i can get past the horrible-ness and i woke up at around 8pm feeling so much better.

anyway, i’m looking forward to gym updates from s. and the movie, of course.
A Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.

Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, “You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Habour, get outta here.”

The astonished Chinese man replied, “It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbour, it was the JAPANESE!”.

“Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you’re all the same,” replied Spielberg.

In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says, “You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship.” Shocked, Spielberg replies, “It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me.”

The Chinese replies, “Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you’re all the same.”

Haha, I laughed so much at the end. Anyway, i’ll just go and dream happily already. tata~

I seek emotional comfort in you.
Stroke this hurt pride of mine.

I’m bound by the ropes of common sense.
I walk through a forest of vines that cut.
The irony, beautiful roses that bleed red.
I had fallen into the norm of life,
struggling to be different and successful.

This game we’re all playing is delusional.
So superficial yet realistic.
I lost myself halfway,
and now I’ve found the me I used to know.
Someone who was learning, always.
Someone so free in thought.

i’m feeling vulnerable and insecure. because a part of my molar tooth’s chipped off while i ate lakerol strawberry. not only that, it feels weird. like that part is suddenly all sensitive.

this sounds trivial, but i’m still a kid that way. if something goes wrong with my teeth, i’ll cry. or something. (lol, almost did) it totally ruined my mood for talking to my mom about harper’s bazaar. and i was so happy until it happened. geees..

gary’s asking if i want to go alleybar tomorrow. i’m waiting for his reply to see what time he’s going, alleybar sounds appealing because i’ve never been there. i think, since bars are mostly at night. i most probably will be going. his company is fun. that’s what i like about guys, brotherly friendship. easy to talk to.

why oh why, did the tooth have to chip offf.. something’s missing. i feel incomplete. it was a paart of me! *cries in a corner* :\

she’s never loved you in the first place. consider it your dream come true. it’s not that monogamy never existed, it’s just the fact about her being a kind-hearted person till the end. and you are back to who you were.. that’s what she wanted. and that’s why she leaves. thank god you had her. if not you would have fallen and never got up again, j.

i need to think about how she’d think if i did certain things, and not always think with my heart but my head. obviously there’s no way i’d go around this since i already bared a lot to her. the only way would be to detach and try not to feel anything till she initiates action. put these feelings on hold.

sometimes for me, it’s better to think of what to do. if not i’ll regret, thinking i could have done something.

amazing feat of the week: managed to not smoke cigs till mr amos, mr gary, and mr RJ gave me cigs. (side-note: i’m not trying to quit smoking, i’m just seeing how long i can tahan.)

so i broke my promise with sean already. i went for english, but i skipped poa and ss because ms selena was being very pms-y and it made me very fished up. therefore i hung out with gary first then after that with everyone else who came along. we went pool-ing with nic, amos, joey & shawn first and then they went back to sch. i swear, pam and gary are the funniest combo you can find (for me). and gary keeps gettin bullied. rofl.. we went to watch ‘wild hogs’ afterwards at cathay. it was very funny, althou some parts i didn’t quite get. played the ol’ heart attack & daidee at macs afterwards.

overall, the day turned out better than expected. on s’s side, it’s still the same. looking forward to whatever’s coming. i want to shop. not smoking = unreleased stress.

p/s. i felt extremely nauseous & headachey on bus just now. was reading harpers bazaar for inspiration.

plans fer the weekend:
. ask mother to acc me to docs.
. ask mother to acc me to hajilane.
. ask mother to acc me to shaw to shw me the top she said was nice.
. study, sleep, eat, shit.
. maybe go out?

so i promised sean that i’ll not skip classes that much anymore. because i always skip english lessons, miss xiaoyee teaches english way too dry. her talking makes my eyes want to shut most of the time and her way of teaching, is too mudane. yes my expectations are high, because the rest of the teachers managed to make their lessons not dry at all. and hers is, unexpectedly dry. she doesn’t know how to take jokes also lah. and she teaches literature, i wonder. i think miss clara would make a better literature teacher. you know what? she commented on my essay the worst way possible, the least tactful way possible. and i don’t like it. that’s the only other reason why i don’t like her. (yes i know this whole paragraph is full of complaints)

looks like i can’t skip too many lessons and have to be a good girl. hoho.

today was photography, it was good~ went to haji lane and some other lanes around kampong glam. and i love haji lane. thank god for haji lane. rawr. i had one picture of me taken in front of No. 47. mr jimmy took it. it looks lame, kind of. and i seldom take lame pictures anyway. so here it is.

self-note- homework of the day, given by mr jimmy is:
plan out the fashion shoot. file cuttings of images of your favourite to use as inspiration in some notebook. yea, and plan the layout of the photoshoot. studio-shot.

p/s: looking forward to movie next month. (long, but yes. i’ll be patient.)
i need vicnan to follow up on the event whereabouts asap, since substation is not available.

i feel so foolish. like i’ve never been able to figure out why the unpredictability. i know now, same situation. i wouldn’t know what to do. even if it’s just words, it’ll put a person in a bad position. because all you hope for are miracles that come out from her mouth. not that i’m that horrible. lol. i guess i would have avoided it as well.

i guess i should ask that question again, just to make sure. but, movie next month with her. lol, why does it even have to be next month? nevermind, i shall just count myself lucky.

Lol, this is me and my mom webcamming when we’re less than 3 metres away from each other. HAHA.. she bought a new webcam lah. i show off to her mine. :p

After a whole night of events, I had to dream of her. and have puffy eyes. I would call it a bad dream since the ending is not good but the beginning was good, only because I got to see her mostly throughout. I know it’s just a dream, nothing worth self-bashing about. I really miss her. I can’t seem to forget..

And the stupid puffy eyes. How do I go to school like this? :\ It’s not nice to look at. I felt insignificant last night because of Su Ann, and she called me right after and told me Jerome found me cute. And because I was sleeping, and she re-confirmed that he’s not my type.. I said yeah, and she said okay bye. I wonder if it’s a prank though, since they’re so prone to pranks. When I say they, Steph, Marcus & gang. And it doesn’t affect me.

Here are my priorities, even though I know I won’t stick to it. Because I usually compromise a lot of things.
1. studies
2. her
3. friends&family

the 2 can always be a 1 sometimes and 3 can be 1s also. and the 1 always gets shifted behind because studies can always be caught up with and not feelings. poor thing, studies are. lol.

Anyway, I think the sudden emo-ness is because of the period of the month. I feel like telling her I miss her a lot. I know no reaction one. But whatever, ta.

My anger never seems to last, and that’s a good thing I guess. And strawberry marshmellows help cheer me up. I feel better.

My eyes are considerably swollen from the crying. Good thing is, at least I’m not all tensed up anymore. I’m a peace lover. I hate violence, or shouting. The cramps is killing me too. I could have beaten someone up just now. Okay, enough of the bad stuff.

I’ll just go off to sleep already. Crying wears me out.