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nothing helps. i rather have you drown me so i die happy rather than wait here. it’s an open wound gaping. waiting for someone to aid it. if no one does, then she’ll just bleed to death. you’re my hope to live, that sounds awful. it seriously sounds awful, so awful that if someone said it of me. i’d feel immensely burdened. either way, it’d be unfair. if you said it, it’d be easier. humans are selfish. silence kills. and i thought i was cruel when i always told the truth.
please don’t read the above paragraph. they’re really lies. no, they’re not. but you read already, so it doesn’t really matter.
wow, i really hate getting emotional. 
and i’d picture you there in front of me where he was, and i’d feel the load off my shoulders for awhile.
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gary is really seriously making me feel uncomfortable now. even though he can be nice to laugh at. too much of him makes me feel a bit sick. he’s too whiney. and yesterday i told zak that i’m afraid that he’ll like me more than a friend, then today amos asked me if i told someone that. i’m like, seriously.. guys gossip more than i do. gone case. people like me don’t even bother.
at the movies just now, (spiderman3) i felt a little stupid. i felt like telling him straight in the face, because he made so many stupid noises just now. disrupting the movie. and his presence as well. i wanted to say, if you’re liking me more than a friend, just forget it. it’ll never happen. and you can forget about asking me out all the time too. thus, me not totally enjoying the movie. i got something against guys being jerks. gary is a donkey-face.
i should give up already. but why am i not?
