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i don’t want to sleep, but my body is telling me to sleep. images that used to run through my mind, don’t bother to play. i separate my dreams from reality. reality is still far off where my dreams are. i know you are there. but you’re not here.
fags. i love my fags. they keep me company through the lonely nights. longing for a better day.
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after disappointments there’ll be more disappointments. it’s completely normal. completely tolerable – for a certain amount of time. really, if this doesn’t go down the way it’s supposed to go. i don’t know what to do anymore. i think i’ll just choose to give up first, and i’ll probably just forgive you when you message me again and apologize. not that i want to, but i want to.
sometimes i’m tired of being strong. see it don’t kill me outside, it kills me inside.
playing: ne-yo’s because of you
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it all started with a random drawing. a green patch of grass. a tree. her, in the middle of it.smiling,breathing,and living. a canvas, an landscape one. a picture, on it’s own. a frame to hold it all together. strings to keep it hanging.a nail so it can be hung. i wonder what would happen if someone cut it. *snap* *shattering noise* it will all be broken into little pieces. it will cease to exist in this sitting area. there will be no more picture to look at. only the table , the sofa will exist. a scratched table, the shards of glass. and the packet of cigarettes that.. after all, accompany the ashtray. yes it will be so lonely without you to look at. and the lamest thoughts..
i bought my marlboros today. i bought a sketchbook for my brother. i’m listening to the song ace blogged about – dj tiesto’s clockwork orange. i was so happy yesterday night. now i’m feeling a little bit hung in the middle of somewhere. or nowhere at all. went to school for an hour and a half and came back. organized tea with the friends on sunday. suntanning and basking in the sun next week. but i have not eaten lunch. soon, i guess. soon.
