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life is so real that sometimes you have to smother yourself with lots of fiction just to feel that life is still worth living. so the other day i got back my results, quite predictable. and then on thurs before play my grandpa had a mild stroke, and is now sitting/lying in NUH. he cannot take anything orally, he cannot walk around, he is having fever, pneumonia, urine infection and whatever.
i went to visit him today in the morning and he looked thin, his cheeks had sunken in, and all. i don’t think he even remembers me, how sad. i wasn’t even in the mood for anything. in fact, i felt very bored of life. like everything is so pessimistic, so not exciting and all. there’s nothing new, nothing really i’m looking forward to. and i really felt like drowning myself in fiction books, of fantasy, of another world. so i didn’t have to face this one. i keep playing sims 2 as well. but it still bores me.
i’m so getting used to visiting people in hospitals. especially this year. i say that i want to be happy, but i don’t even know the measures to take to be happy. maybe i know, but it doesn’t seem to be working? are there other measures to that? for me, clubbing is only temporary happiness. when i go there, i seem to be the one that’s trying to make people happy.
hopefully by the end of the year i can take a break and get out of singapore for a bit. life sucks, thank god for holidays. i can stone for the next one week and buy books so i can be anti-social.
