Affaire de coeur

when the tears spill and you feel nothing. you’re so hurting inside but you’ve blocked the pathway to feeling or showing vulnerability.

and you feel peaceful right after, even though your leg’s hurting from the kick your brother gave you.

releasing it all in one shot, screaming your lungs out.

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i wonder if you really care or just do because there are people reminding you of me. and maybe through all that you’ve formed some attachment.

every time i watch nana, i’m reminded of the past. and then i miss what it was like for a second, and then i don’t miss it again. nana to me, is you. too alike.

it’s almost like the whole world is closing in on me. and i suffocate for a minute, a second. and i struggle and it lets go. 

excuses, plenty. i’ve learned to be more selfish and not to trust the world. i’ve been naive once, i won’t be too many times again. once bitten twice shy, they say. i guess that’s where you can safely use that phrase.

i keep thinking about myself? it wasn’t like that, i used to keep thinking of other people. and i neglected caring for myself. so i followed the phrase, ‘learn how to love yourself before you love others’.  and this has led it to where i am.

but still learning.