Affaire de coeur

p/s i just cooked pasta and it tasted a bit bland/watery. i went to taste it again a few minutes ago, and it has transformed to lovely tasting pasta! <3 beefu pasta. looool ~

so it was my brother’s birthday yesterday. we actually celebrated two times for him, lucky butt. first dinner was on sunday. we went to vivocity and ate marche. even though i wanted japanese.   second time was yesterday, we went to vivocity – yet again, and ate earl’s swensens, walked a bit and then had haagen dazs, the fondue thingy. haha, was damn nice! rarara ~ then bought new pair of slips and some shoe i think i don’t know if i’m going to wear because the right side is a bit tight and it’s so girly! LOL. my god. alright, but i think it’ll complement various occasions.

i honestly want my skinnies. ;o and really, i’ve been dreaming some meaningless random dreams lately. okay, i forgot this morning’s one. but the other one was mainly about this cat who’s tattoo-ed and i carried it here and there (really random) and i told it that i’ll definitely get it’s tattoo done because it doesn’t look nice incomplete. and then it wanted to pee so i brought it out of my house and i set it down on the floor so it could pee and it started peeing but the pee like, peed so faar. -_- like three meters distance. from where it was standing till, that far. and this random man walked past to go down to the lift and he stared with this look on his face so i told him i’d clean it. and then he walked off and i decided to wake up because i found this dream unusually disturbing. :\

bah. once again, i apologize for not posting much at all because lately all i’ve been doing is getting fat and complaining about being fat. but it’s all good now because i’ve done my shitting and stuff so i don’t look bloated. oh yeah, i went to elaine/rikei’s BBQ on monday, after hanging out with cheryl, sean and nat after school. went to see the 3rd generation iPOD nano. it is seriously small and when i used my thumb to fiddle with the touch sensor, -.- it (my thumb) felt so huge. so i went to meet jass after that and we headed to downtown east. ate honey-ed chicken wings specially bbq-ed by rikei, and satay etc. very nice to eat, but didn’t eat much because i felt bloated and felt that it’d be sinful to eat anymore. lol. so while they ate and wye and z reached and started eating, and they were hanging outside. i became the anti-social and sat inside the room watching chn 5. some disturbing show. i just remember the part where this woman was killing this gooey like man after touching his face and all. apparently he has some disease. O.o” so okay, fast forward an hour or so. we started drinking and playing heart attack. i was so lucky that day. the heart attack we played had forfeits. LOL. so it’s kind of like a dare for those who got hit. and it was really just those same people who got hit. i didn’t have to do much. after that we played dare and dare. HAHA. was quite entertaining if not hilarious ~   after that took a cab home and ate breakfast with the moma and brotha ~

the end..

NOT.

it’s so dumb, i have no idea why ALL our computer/laptops don’t work with online games. it’s so SHITTY! I can’t stand it. i miss online gaming and i wanted to play Fiesta Online. it’s already downloaded and in my lappie, BUT.. it won’t connect. seriously, it’s getting on my nerves. because it looks pretty nice to play and the start screen of the game has such LOVELY MUSIC! my godddd. and keith and jk is playing it. -_- this is fucked up, really fucked up.

btw, i think it’s human nature that people treat you coldly when you skip school for a week. but i don’t like THAT human nature. everything should be nice and friendly to make people feel welcomed back to school. really.. everyone is so normal i can’t stand it. please start getting used to my-random-not-coming-to-schoolness and treat me like how you always treat me. thanks.

okay, really loong post. so i shall stop here and watch, hayate no gotoku or keikaishi or maybe later go out buy skinnies with mg. or go shopping la. it’s painful spending so much at once, and not have any spares left for other stuff.

i hate lies. if you’re my friend, don’t ever lie to me. because i will lose trust in you from then onwards. and you may think it’s for my own good, but it’s not. don’t make me put faith in something that doesn’t exist. because after that you can expect not to ever hear from me again. there is a limit to every set of trust i put in a person. you either show me who you are from the very beginning, if i’m not interested. i won’t ever be.

it has come to a point it’s tiring getting to know a person all over when you meet someone new, because when it keeps repeating. you talk the same things, and it becomes so predictable it’s sickening. but for the justice of all new friends, if we clique we just do. nothing will be a chore. lol.

i easily get bored, either that or i am just stoning. either that or i really am thinking. or i just seriously don’t know what to say.

i wish i get more creative impulses. lol.

take a deep breath.

i miss the smell of the rain in the morning when the sun’s not out yet. i miss it raining in the dark. i miss the sound of it hitting the ground. pitter patter. isn’t it a nostalgic feeling? a mix of happiness and soreness.

a sudden realization once again. when people ask me what i like, the sun or the rain better. i’d say, both. because there’s beauty in many things. if you look hard enough, you’ll see it and you’ll feel the beauty of it flooding into you. and you’ll feel happy that you saw something that not many people can see.

I confess I’m actually not confident enough to go out alone to do the things I feel like doing. I need a companion. Someone I feel carefree around, and not dislike deep down inside. I am slowly falling in love with shooting. The only time I’ve gone out alone is to watch a movie and when I’m alone, it’s either usually in my room. I don’t feel at ease with being alone in a place full of people.

Yet, I dislike the other inconveniences that come with going out with people. Schedule, time and all that. Hard to find. Since everyone is busy doing their own thing. And it’s not as though I can be myself when being with them either. I hate feeling uneasy. Yet I hate not being able to feel comfortable enough to go out alone.

It’s actually not easy to do what you feel like doing all the time. This is my obstacle. No one close or free enough. So much I want to do, and can do at my own pace.

life should move on from it’s dramatic tendencies and stop making me feel like shit sometimes. and i’m wondering why my heart is aching.

sigh.

you know, i honestly think that having a huge-ass tattoo doesn’t make me any less innocent. it just makes me more daring and i’ll look more scary and people who see it shall lose their eyes for five seconds before they get it back.

sigh, and i didn’t think i was any innocent to begin with. but i am a really nice and good person, most of the time. haha ~ but then again, she’s talking about my image. lool. ya, i can’t fool anyone now. sighhh. i’m actually quite rebellious inside. lool. or put in a better form of words, spontaneous and easygoing.

yes, thought originating from someone i haven’t spoke to for years.  not that i know her very well, but.. interesting observation. 

you are far, far away. unreachable. and all these are unthinkable. slowly pushing me away. and nope, i’m not even supposed to think. my body clock shall be forever turned and i shall rot in rust since the days have been full of moisture. and i’m made of “metal”.

love to ace for recommending me the one day job!

i think i might meet jass today afternoon to return her Lword season4 and elaine’s shirt. but tomorrow meeting qiqi ~ technically, i’m a light bulb tagging along. cos conneh is going too. so i shall be the extra and they can talk and make merry while i stare at them chatter away. maybe hold a stalk of rose and sit in the middle while they sit a table for two. haha, maybe in the theatres i shall sit in the middle and they can talk across me to each other. doesn’t it seem more balanced all of a sudden? if i sat at the side i’ll feel really lonely like an outcast. so i sit in the middle and conversations can be heard and i won’t feel like an outcast. more like an extra, but being extra is better than being an outcast. mahahahaaa ~ *evil grins*

signs off

the other day during photography session. went to eat at waraku casual dining at central. had sashimi and udon, plus desert. forgot to take pictures of the sashimi but here’s the udon.

p/s sashimi was awesome! next time i go there it’ll be pure sashimi session. hahaa

after that, went photo taking around clark quay area. hung out with su ann, theodore etc. till 3am in the morning before heading home. crazy bunch of people.

other than that, took less than 50 pictures in total. and chose only 4 out of those. but it’s considered good. already reached my minimum target, have 26 now.

if i love doing something, i don’t like anyone else disrupting with that something. other than myself. and if someone decides to follow what i do or in other words – copy, make sure i’m okay with it. because sometimes i’m not okay with it and it can be annoying.

now i’m in her shoes. and now i know how she feels. i feel like slapping myself. sigh, i’ve become cold.

anyway, i miss this song. and that’s all for now.