Affaire de coeur

it’s all forbidden, for you. not me.
it’s all hidden, in you. not me.

because i am who i am, i’d never ask for forever.

p/s today i went to the beach, for pictures please proceed to facebook.

Well, I guess I really got lucky after my eye twitched. I probably know if anything happens it won’t be long term, but I’m just the kind that go with the feelings. Because, I really do like her. Like, a lot. Just that, I don’t want to be a nuisance.

Sometimes it’s better not to let know the feelings to those you feel for.  So I’m just randomly saying, that I miss her fucking lots. Perhaps just an obsession. But still, it could be the most impossible thing to achieve in the whole wide world. Just because I’m unaware. Confused.

You know what, seriously? Whatever. The people I always like are impossible. Impossible to achieve. So I’ll just eat my beehoon cooked by my very own self and live happily ever after. I shall go for art class and literature class and whatever. 

WARNING: long-winded post. LOL….

you know, i just totally remembered what i wanted to say. today i was hangin out with chanel, stefan and mich. we went drinking, met coincidentally after eunice & co. – dinner. they left, so i joined chanel. haha, we watched water horse. after the whole thing right, the main point is.. that the taxi driver uncle is damn nice!! okay i’m very lazy to explain it because i’m tired and i’ve explained it to my mummy.

so anyways, he let chanel and mich off. and then when i was at the void deck smoking a stick like i do out of habit, i thought he was gonna leave already because he followed me to the atm because i didn’t have enough cash and the the stupid machine didn’t wanna work for mastercard. apparently he didn’t trust me and thought i’d run, well. i think? because there’s no one else inside the cab so if i ran he’d lose out?

so after that i thought he left already then he reversed back and parked at a lot near the lift where i was sitting. then he came out and walked towards me and told me he wanted to treat me fishball kwaytiao. i was like, no need lah. o_o|| so weird, why he wanna treat me to eat? then i just followed him to the kopitiam anyways since he beckoned me. no big deal because there are still people right? yah, so he asked me what i wanted to eat. i said i was damn full because i’d eaten lots just now at nihon suki. then he gave up wanting to buy me food. so i went to buy myself a ice milo because i didn’t know how to order the drink he wanted – extra intense coffee with milk and sugar? :\ then i just sat somewhere where i could smoke and then he came over and sat across me on the same table. asked me why i bought, he wanted to treat me. i was like again, no need? then we talked about random stuff like politics, how expensive everything is and about that mas selamat guy, whether he was let out on conspiracy or what. he said he believes that the mas selamat guy is good at black magic so apparently the police couldn’t see him because he is invisible. i’ve never thought about it that way before, but it’s possible i guess. then we talked about everything else related to government because i’m not exactly pro-government. but just, saying that the money they give out is not enough to cover anything and they still earn anyways. yah, after we talked finished we just walked back to the lift there, and then he stuffed the 20 bucks i gave him for cab fare. -_-

i was like, wtf? o_o then he say i must study hard bla bla bla. then he hurriedly walked back to his cab so i wouldnt try to chase him and give him back the $$. then wave to me byebye when he drove off. o_o SO GOOD RIGHT!!! -_-

called stefan straight after to tell him! LOL. cos chanel gone and mich tired. @@ anyway, plastered nipples. LOL…. ok random. HAHAAHA. but the uncle really very nice. i know i’ve been really long-winded. but thats because i’m tired and really lazy to construct sentences.

HAHA i go sleep now. byebye!

i’ve been really unhealthy lately. it’s scary actually. now i know how heavy marlboro menthol is. the three fingers, in which i use to hold my cigarette, actually looks really yellow compared to the rest of my white healthy pinkish fingers. those three turned yellow just after two days of excessive smoking. i will cut down on my cigarettes and downgrade to being a social smoker again. i don’t think i should give myself impossible tasks by completely quitting because i know i won’t? well, at least not now. it’s really taking a toll on me. i’ve been dry-coughing non-stop. and it sucks, really does.

the last two days were really fun! have been really happy because of the companionship i’ve received. everyone rocks big time! love!

i really forgot what i wanted to say. i’ll update when i remember~

AHHHH  I LOVE EVERYONE!

I just had this random thought that friendships can last, and it can not. I’ve had a few who’ve said that they’d be there forever, even when the whole world turns their back on me. Look at what happened, they’re not even here or that we’ve just drifted apart as a whole. I think most of the time, it’s because they just don’t bother. Everyone gets cooped up with their presents and they forget the past and what it can bring to the future. Everyone forgets. In the end, what am I to do but to take whatever comes at it’s present? Some people don’t value friendships. What is a friendship to a person? Constant companionship? Maybe. I think in the end it’s bothering to stay in touch with another person, with a slowly solidifying bond that in the end becomes unbreakable. It’s also the acceptance of another person as they are. And the willingness to listen and be heard, and those little moments when one makes the other feel special.

So I promised I’d get a picture up of the haircut. I was really thinking femme when I went for it, but you know what? I look damn androgynous right now. Had quite a few comments that I look like a cute little boy and one comment that I look prettier in long hair and another one that says she’s not used to it but gave in to the ‘cute little boy’ look after a while. Two commented that I look lovely. So wth. Lol, anyhow – I’ll grow it back if I have to/feel like it.

I can’t walk properly because I just had tattoo done at the back of my knee. Which is technically the most painful part on the leg. It was barely 1 and a half hour before I had to clench my teeth and lax myself by squeezing the chair and tensing my arm muscles so I’d concentrate on something else. It’s quite comparable to the ankle but the ankle took longer to get to that stage of ouchiness. It looks quite bruised, really. This is why I will not be working for the next few days till I can squat.

Forgive the fierce I’m-gonna-whoop-your-ass look. Trying to act cool, I know I’m probably not. LOL.

I forgot to mention! T’was my elder cousin’s birthday this week, actually on Tuesday. We sat on Singapore’s Flyer. The view was beautiful (i went at night), but I rather that me and whoever (the lover) were having candlelight dinner on the flyer. It would be the best. Rather than doing nothing on that hovering thing midair pacing around. When I reached the peak of the whole ferris wheel though, my legs went weak just looking down.   My solution was to talk to my goodies on the phone. LOL. Here I am in the midst of grinning stupidly.

you can’t really take nice pictures with normal compact cameras firstly because of the level of darkness within, and if you flashed the scenery wouldn’t be nice. unless you brought extra lighting along la. and the pictures would turn out damn blue if you were okay with the lighting. hah.

okay, besides the flyer. just now was at zouk right, got so many idiot guys keep dancing behind me. then push, push, push, rub against my butt – which is not very nice btw, and it kept irritating me. at least like 4 times it happened. cheebyeee. i’m normally not the violent kind of person but i swear if i had more alcohol, i would have really whacked the ass outta them. but i indirectly insulted one of them. LOL. i sent msg to my friend right in their faces cos one of em was behind me, ‘there’s this fucking irritating guy behind me keep rubbing against me.’ then after that they stopped, so i assume they got the message. HAHA. then the other one kept rubbing his ass against mine till my friend’s friends got all of us to move somewhere else. this is so why i prefer lesbian clubbing.

because if there’s anyone rubbing against you, it’s definitely not a guy. especially those that look fugly. I LOVE PLAAAY! I LOVEEE HOME CLUB! I LOVEEEE LeSBiANS! LOL..

I realise that whenever I don’t write, people check back more often. How weird. Maybe it’s some psychological process I’ll not understand for now.

I’ve been working, and “studying” and clubbing. Well, mostly. Now I’m eating. I just came home from Zouk, and it was well, sufficiently fun? Ha. Tomorrow I am officially cutting my hair short, I don’t know how short, but definitely it will be snipped off. I’ll post a picture if it looks good though. It’s been a long time, my lovely hair. I’ll miss you. Till we meet again. LOVE.

I’m very looking forward to chalet on 4th April and of course, 5th April! That’s when the party officially is~ Aisya says she’s going to introduce someone to me. HAHA. Makes me more excited. But usually when I’m damn excited, something always go wrong. Like Eunice says it happens to her. Yeah it does happen. So I’ll try not to be so excited.

*Meditates*

I think my beehoon tastes awesome! You know, hopefully by 4th April I’d have finished my whole leg of ink. I feel like piercing my labret but I don’t know if I should. After I cut hair then say. But I definitely wanna pierce my ears again and wear awesome earrings!

I’ll be lesbian of the year I tell you. Not that I’m totally flamboyant about it, but yeah. I’ll have lots of fun -  when I’m not enduring the pain, that is.

*grin*