Affaire de coeur

Ai Yazawa questions the same thing I do.

NANA, Chapter 47 Page 6.

I think, by then everything will be so made for you and me. I wonder what kind of person you are, sometimes.

You know how people wish they were younger, in their secondary school days probably? I’ve never wished that, and I’ll never wish that. If I ever wish to go back to a certain time in life, it would be when I was eighteen. Which is now. But the reason would be the friends, the feeling of being carefree, and the age itself. 

I envy those that wish for their childhood, their schooldays. And I? Had none of that. It was probably suffering throughout, because of my whims and my fancies. 

Truly, a king who got what he wanted and reaped what he sowed. 

I have everything, and nothing. Would you understand? In future, it’d probably be the same. I hope not. I’ve gone through this too many times I wish it would stop. I haven’t been able to attain this sense of fulfillment and I don’t know where I went wrong.

I just wanna say I wasn’t totally gone that night. There are things I remember so clear you don’t wanna know. Even if it seemed I was gone. Everything went right through my mind, and I felt it right at the raw spot. 

Ouch. 

And then I wish I didn’t hear anything at all.

At the same time, I’m thankful to know. What kind of person a person can be, really. Not interested in listening to the past, at all. Just that you were doing a broadcast, which turns me off.