Affaire de coeur

I would really like to know what kind of friends I have. Friends who keep to their word? Friends who take the initiative? Friends who are honest? Friends who are just friends for the sake of being friends and forget you when they are having fun? Or are all these people just people you get drunk with and shun away when there’s real crisis. And pity you when you’re in some sort of unconceivable problem instead of actually helping you out. 

Actually, I think there are different sorts of friends. And I am rather lazy to list them out. But still, whatever the term ‘friendship’ is, there shouldn’t be ‘lies’ in it. I’d rather ‘lies’ never start. You may think so too. But when it does get down to the actual thing, it’s all different. 

Which is why I am contemplating if I should go to the party at all. I am not interested in dispensable friendships. Why would there be any point in investing time in it then? When I leave, all these will be gone. If I return a few years later, will you still remember me? It will be a one-way ticket. Everything would then have changed. Priorities, friends, loves, jobs. 

I don’t really like change even though I want change. Because if change happens, it will never really be the same again. No matter how hard we try to make it exactly the same. Nothing will be the same.

Here I am, patiently waiting for your calls. Three of you. If I mean enough, you would call. I wouldn’t have to message and ask or tell. I am just trying to prove to myself that I’m not wasting my time and this is not all talk.